moving up in the world! my blog is now www.laurendack.com! I look forward to seeing you there!

I'm moving!

I've decided to delete this blog.

I've been working on new one...and I think it's much better! I've transfered my posts from this blog and will continue doing some "counseling wisdom" type posts, but I'll also do personal posts about being a Christian, a mom, wife, and book lover!  I'm using a wordpress blog, which I've found to have more of the look I wanted and I don't have to mess with code! It's pretty easy to use although I'm still learning.

So, I hope you'll follow my new blog: laurendack.wordpress.com! all you have to do is type in your email address in the box to the right of the page and you'll get an email when I post something new. There's a new post waiting!

love,
Lauren

Mommy Madness: The Sleep Battles

Part 1, Our Story

My first attempt to let him cry it out for naptime:

10:15 am: I walk away from my screaming baby.

My cats are judging me. They’re looking at me like, “Can you hear him? I think he’s dying… Why are you just sitting there?” And I am. Just sitting here. Partially hyperventilating. My heart is racing as quickly as my thoughts. I’m chanting in my head: “you have to do this. He needs his nap. He was a wreck yesterday because you were too weak to let him cry it out. This can’t continue. He needs his sleep…He’s not dying. He’ll be fine. He will still love you.” And it goes on.

10:45 am: 30 minutes. Still crying. My head might explode.

Now, I’ve tried everything so that I wouldn’t have to let him cry it out. This is a last resort. I’ve tried rocking, singing, humming, a turtle that lights up and plays music, head rubbing, tying a shirt with my scent to his crib, driving around, letting him sleep in my arms, letting him nap on my bed…all these things worked only sometimes and ended with Caleb and Mommy exhausted.

Caleb was a dream baby for the first 4 months…and when he cut his first teeth at 5 months, everything changed. The naps went first. Then the screaming started. Now, he screams for fun. He stopped eating well. And then he stopped sleeping through the night. Suddenly, my happy baby isn’t so happy anymore. He’s cranky and fussy, difficult to please, and needs constant attention and entertainment.

And I know exactly why: he’s tired. You’d think that being exhausted would make you want to sleep, but amazingingly, that’s not how the human brain works. When we get overtired, our brains go on overdrive…making sleep more and more difficult. As I look at my tired baby fighting sleep I want to cry. And sometimes I do.

11:00 am: Screaming. “Is this even going to work?” I’m feeling a little insane.

I was against crying it out. I hate the idea of it, but it worked for us at night.  The first night I tried it, he woke up and I fed him (I knew he was hungry because he barely ate during the day). He was acting like it was playtime at 2:00 am, so I kissed him, told him I loved him, and walked away. He screamed for 25 minutes the first night, 20 the second (although he woke up several times, I heard sometimes the second night the crying can spike), and 5 minutes the next. And you know what else? He was happy as a lark the next morning because he got the sleep he needed. (Around 6 months old babies need about 11 hours of night sleep and 2-3 hours of naps each day).

11:02 am: Silence. He’s sleeping!!!! Hallelujah!

Stay tuned for Sleep Battles, Part 2: Lessons Learned

Cyber Monday

Can't beat shopping from the comfort of your own home...

Take advantage of the great deals online today and get some Christmas shopping out of the way!

Here are a few of the deals today:

JC Penney:  10% off sitewide

Loft:  40% off sitewide

Gap: 30% off sitewide

Lands End: 30% off sitewide + free shipping

Old Navy:  30% off sitewide

Home Depot:  $5 off, free shipping

Sears:  5 to 20% off, free shipping

Target:  $7 off $70 + free shipping

Happy Shopping!
Lauren

an attitude of gratitude

Tuesday was my first day back to work. After 5 months of being away, it felt great to be counseling again! In fact, it felt as though I were meeting an old friend and we picked up right where we left off...except that while I was away I learned a lot about myself as well as my clients.

During this time of year especially, I am thinking about all I have to be grateful for...my job, my family, my friends... It's an attitude I try to practice all the time, but it's a fun reminder when others are doing the same. I've enjoyed reading many of my friend's facebook posts about the things they are grateful for this month. Despite hardships, worries, and stress...I am grateful that I have so much to be grateful for.

I encourage you to cultivate an attitude of gratitude too.

Cliché, I know. But it helps. It’s amazing how easily we forget. It’s almost second nature to focus on what we don’t have, instead of what we do.

I lived in Costa Rica a month for a mission trip. When you think of Costa Rica you probably imagine white, sandy beaches. While it’s true their beaches are gorgeous, Costa Rica is a third world country and the cities are far from tropical paradises. The crime rate is high and most folks barely make enough to feed their families. Oh, but the people were amazing! Most were so full of joy and gratitude for the little they had. They had the ability to focus on the things that really mattered.

I think our excess confuses us. The more we have, the more we want. We obsess over the things we believe we need or deserve. We believe the lies that commercials and advertisements tell us: that we’ll be happy, attractive, desirable, or popular if we drink a certain drink, wear those clothes or perfume, or go to that destination. Or we believe we’ll be happy when…(fill in the blank with relationship, marriage, kids, dream job, etc.)

I’m not suggesting that your desires are wrong. They could be good desires. I’m only suggesting that you don’t wait until you have them to be grateful for the blessings you already have. My hope is that you wouldn’t allow it to rob you of your joy today.

During this season and every day, I encourage you to literally count your blessings. Write them down if you have to! Say them out loud to your family or friends. I've already shared some of mine. Now, it’s your turn. 

I hope you enjoy this season and today,

Lauren

to schedule a session with Lauren, please visit www.laurendackcounseling.com.

mirror, mirror

Our bodies are complex and beautiful. Truly it’s amazing that my body has the capability of growing a child. It’s a miracle, really. Yet while most would agree that it’s beautiful thing, when we look in the mirror, “beautiful” is usually the last word we’d use to describe what we see. Or maybe I’ll just speak for myself.

The emotions I feel seem to go from one extreme to the next, and I feel this spectrum almost every day. Whew! Having a baby is both a woman’s privilege and curse. I’ve never felt more like a woman or less feminine. I am elated and depressed, tired and blessed, in love and guilty, proud and humble. But one thing I consistently feel is unattractive. I look in the mirror and I see a woman who looks 5 years older in 1 year.

These feelings change when I watch my son while he eats. I am in awe that my body not only grew him, but also that he continues to grow with the sustenance my breasts give him.  Those who know me well know that I have issues with my breasts. And that’s putting it lightly.

I’ve done a lot of personal work to make sure I am healthy as well as my marriage. However, I’ve felt tremendous guilt when I encourage my clients to love their bodies when I know that I struggle to do the same.

But what if I changed my perspective?

 I realized today that I don’t need to love my body.  After all, what’s to love about pimples and under eye circles? What I need is to make peace with it.  My body is amazing because of what it can do and what it does. My body is not perfect, but it’s perfectly lovely the way it nurtures our son.

I think we tend to focus too much on what we see in the mirror and not what we can smell, touch, taste, and hear because of our bodies. What our bodies do. I used the example of childbirth, but that’s just one of the many miracles our bodies allow us.

I encourage you to love your body if you can…and if you can’t, at least make your peace with it. Instead of focusing on the parts you hate, try to focus on your body as a whole. Instead of focusing on what you see, maybe you can focus on what your body allows you to do. (For instance, one of my favorite parts of Christmas is the way it smells. My nose may be a little large, but it provides me the ability to smell pine, cinnamon, and delicious goodies baking. I can embrace that and be grateful…and find peace in my gratitude).

           

            So while today is just a start, I feel more at peace with my body than I have in a long time. I pray the same thing for you. What parts of your body would you like to start making peace with today?

love,

Lauren
for more info about Lauren and counseling, click here.

the experience of grief

Kubler-Ross said that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

The experience of grief is unique to the individual experiencing it. Some folks may only experience two of the five stages. Or, some folks never move past the denial stage or they get stuck in another stage. Additionally, these stages don’t necessarily happen in order and sometimes you can “roller coaster” back and forth between stages.

I tell my clients that often we grieve for the rest of our lives, but my hope is that I can help them experience and cope with each stage in a healthy way so that they live in the “acceptance” stage most of the time. However, that doesn’t mean we don’t have depression or sadness during anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays. Or when something triggers a memory.

A few hints to help with each stage:

1.    Denial- I don’t mess with this too much at first. We have defense mechanisms for a reason and sometimes it’s our minds way of saying we aren’t ready to deal with the loss yet. If denial continues and the person continues to avoid I’ll start asking gentle questions about what’s really going on.
2.    Anger- I help the client express this and come up with healthy ways to deal with it. i.e. a letter, exercising, taking kickboxing, punching me in the stomach (kidding of course although I’m sure some folks have wanted to)
3.    Bargaining- I validate their desire to “get another chance” or make a deal with God, but I encourage them not to live in the “what if” and “if only” stage.
4.    Depression- some clients find great comfort in freely discussing their loss or loved one. I offer a place to share memories, hurts, regrets, and mixed feelings. I also encourage developing a ritual. For instance (if you are grieving because of a death), having your loved one's favorite meal on their birthday and sharing memories with loved ones. There is great freedom in rituals like this, it makes it ok to laugh and remember, or to cry if needed. Too often we stop talking about the person and in a way, lose him or her even more than we had to.
5.    Acceptance- Acceptance occurs when you decide to continue on. When you accept the loss, death, or unfilled desire/need. A friend who lost her son put it this way, “It isn’t something I’ll ever ‘get over,’ but you learn how to keep living even though everything is different and nothing will ever be the same.” Can we move from acceptance to joy? I think so. I have found many folks surprise themselves by accessing a resilience and strength they didn’t know they had. That, as a result, they can love more, laugh more, forgive more freely, and live more fully as a result of acknowledging a loss but not allowing it to define them.



For those of you who actually read this whole post, congratulations! and thank you (I know it was verbose) and blessings to you as you deal with whatever stage you are in.

Love,
Lauren
for more info about Lauren and counseling, click here.